I HAVE to Go, I'll Rest Later...

My list is long. Of the things I need to do, to read, and to write today.  I'm feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to start. No matter how I reorganize my to-do list, there just isn't enough time to get it all in before the kids get home. I overslept. That never helps. I already feel behind and I skipped part of my new routine.

So, WHY am I doing what I'm doing right now? I'm supposed to be driving, paying, responding to, or checking off! Not writing! Not sitting!

I'm doing what I was told.

After the kids left this morning and I sat down to organize my day, I heard God speak.

(Insert wide-eyed emoji).

He said, "put it aside and give Me some time. You overslept this morning. You still owe Me." 

In the last few weeks I've started spending time each morning talking to God. But check your visual. It's not all halos and songs of praise. And it definitely doesn't involve a pretty journal or a sunrise.

I negotiate, of course. "OK, 10 minutes. Then I'll change, workout, and get back to my list." Without coffee or blanket that make my quiet time more appealing, I rush to my chair and sit down. I wouldn't need those things. I wasn't going to be here long...

Ha! Funny things happen when you tell God how things are going to go. I was restless and cold, eager to get showered for my day. Suddenly, my daily dread of list-checking, item-crossing, and time scheduling was forgotten. I lost sight of everything. What was next? Where was I supposed to go today?

God didn't just cross off my "obligations," He tossed the notepad aside and demanded I not do any of it.


"I have to pick up those frames I ordered and the greenery that's on sale!"

"I should really get to the noon Meeting."

"I ate two pieces of cheesecake last night-I HAVE to work out!"

"You don't understand! I'm in charge of the pancake breakfast Saturday! There's still so much to do!"

"Nope," he said. I was to "get comfortable and start writing. It isn't up for discussion."

It reminds me of when one of my kids is begging to go somewhere, or to do something else, and I know they need to take a break. They're 8, 9 and 11 and don't understand their own physical capacity. Games, practices, sleepovers, late nights, school and church activities add up. I can tell when they can't handle anymore. They never want to decline a playdate invitation or miss a birthday party. They always beg and plead, rattling off reasons the engagement is critical to their social well-being. They attempt to submit evidence for why they deserve, or are obligated, to go:

"He/she (insert sibling name) got to go two places last week!"

"I'll rest  when I get home."

"I went to bed early the last two nights!"

"You don't understand!"

But when I stand firm and take away the option, I see them relax, sigh with relief, and rest in being forced to do nothing. They're grateful for the boundary, that the decision was made FOR them.

God has been prompting me for several weeks to write about what I've been through in the last eight years. I wasn't exactly hearts-a-flutter from divine appointment.

"Blogging?! Really?!"

I have plenty of reasons that He doesn't understand  about why it's just not fair!

"Everyone blogs. There are MILLIONS. Who will read MINE?!"

"I won't do it right...people will criticize."

"I'm not ready. This is personal. My people aren't ready either."

"It's something else to do. Haven't you been listening? I have ENOUGH to do these days!!"

But here I am, following directions. And starting to blog. I have so much to to tell about what happened, what I'm learning. I'm doing what I was told and I'm enjoying it.

But don't tell Him.

I'm going to want to go somewhere else and do other things again tomorrow.